Endlessly Won't Last for Long

by Donivan Berube

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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Deluxe 180-gram clay colored vinyl in vintage tip-on jackets, strictly limited to 500 gold foil-stamp numbered copies. Featuring a full-color 12"x12" photo insert and free MP3 download card including bonus track "Painted Desert Lullaby." All orders placed before 9/13 will be entered to win a rare test pressing.

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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Includes Endlessly Won't Last for Long on deluxe 180-gram clay colored vinyl, Order of the Arrow on 150-gram mint splattered green & white colored vinyl, and There Will Be No Sad Tomorrow on 150-gram purple vinyl. Download cards and photo inserts included.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Endlessly Won't Last for Long via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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      $39.99 USD or more 

     

  • Cassette + Digital Album

    Deluxe imprinted pink cassette tapes strictly limited to 100 copies.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Endlessly Won't Last for Long via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 2 days
    edition of 100 

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about

A grave study in futility amidst individualism, Endlessly Won't Last for Long presents the spirit of romance as a broken, post-Dharma Bums dystopia. Whereas Jack Kerouac's 1958 Beat masterpiece is a contradictory road trip between seedy underground jazz bars and backpacking adventures, the story remains the same: there is only as much inspiration and dissatisfaction on either end of the spectrum. You long for one in the face of the other, with "escape" being merely an idea you have on the in-between.

Consider this an exorcism, not some On the Road orgy of zen friends and self-discovery, but more of a detuned pop song you only half-hear in the middle of the night, asleep at the wheel, dying to be home but losing sight of where you're going. The road piles up with things that shape you, things you learn to live with, things you're forever haunted by, but as far as you go, you'll never outrun yourself. That's the real lesson. All you can do is keep driving.

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A month after turning 17, Donivan Berube left home and disassociated himself from the church of Jehovah’s Witnesses, thus saying goodbye to his entire family and all of his friends, forever. Then he took off to travel the continent and live out of a tent, releasing albums on small labels as Blessed Feathers. In the time since, he’s worked as an English teacher in Huaycán, Peru, a librarian in Big Sur, California, a luthier in Flagstaff, Arizona, and taken solo long-distance bicycle tours across the United States and Iceland. His writing has been featured in the book 100 Albums You Need On Vinyl and Why and American Trails magazine. Aside from touring the US, Canada, and Europe, his 2014 album Order of the Arrow was featured on NPR’s Morning Edition, and his 2015 album There Will Be No Sad Tomorrow was released by Vinyl Me, Please. But after the dissolution of his marriage he found himself at the end of the road, alone, having lost everyone.

credits

released September 20, 2019

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Written, produced, performed, and everything else by Donivan Berube.
Eric Dovigi played some guitars.
Alex Wilson played the Fender Rhodes.
Mikaela Foresta played alto saxophone.
Aisha Shelton played baritone saxophone.
Tyler Neidermayer played bass clarinet and some synths.
Kyle Keller & Jasper Komassa played some synths
Sara Maltinsky sang some harmonies.
Glenn Davis & Tim Horak helped with some additional recording and percussion.

Recorded at home in Arizona.
Mastered by Joe Lambert in New York City.

Cover photo by Stevie.
Design by Bryn Merrell.

license

all rights reserved

tags

Track Name: Love Is A Dog from Hell / Who Do I Turn To?
I don't really know who's looking out for me
'Times I get to thinking that I'd rather be
Disappearing every moment constantly
Constantly, baby please
Do you promise to be there for me?

A woman's love is a dog from hell
And a man's love means nothing at all

Getting tired of the way it feels to be
Just another loser looking for some family
Tell me who it is that's looking out for you
Ain't nobody really ever there for you
Ain't it true? Just me and you

So who do I turn to now?
It was supposed to be you
That shit was supposed to be on you

Here is all that's left to learn from that
The way I held you close while my world went black
Now I know that even you don't have my back
Now I know I am the only one that has my back
Goess I'll have to live with that
Baby I'll remember that
Track Name: Rain Dog's Dream
Here's to another summer
To call it all off
Sleeping out in the grass
Trying to watch the moon die

I know that I was wrong
And that was my fault
But you gave up
And left me running with the rain dogs

You lied, but so did I
You lied, when you promised to stand
By my side

Had to learn how to be alone
There is nothing left to hurt me
I have watched the world desert me
Track Name: Treat Me Right Or Leave Me Alone
That's it, I'm through
I am all through begging you

Fuck this, I'm through
Begging you to stay here

You can treat me right
Or leave me the hell alone

Just because I know trouble when I see it
Doesn't mean that I can always leave it alone

Spent too many nights sleeping in the gutter
Learning how to suffer
I've been learning how to suffer
I can make you suffer
Show me how you suffer
'Cause I felt that every day
And I loved you anyway

Don't you think I'm hurtin' too?

I've been thinkin' 'bout
Thinkin' 'bout this way too much

Wasting all my time
Trying to reinvent my love

All it could've took
Was making up your goddamn mind

Wrote a fucking book
To get these simple goddamn lines
Track Name: Stevie
Sometimes I laugh so hard that it makes me cry
Sometimes I feel so happy that I could die

I don't want to go outside
I don't want to run away
I just want to stay right here with you all goddamn day

We could sleep in the yard
It would feel just like sleeping inside
We could sleep in the car
It would feel just like sleeping inside
We could sleep on the floor
It would feel just like sleeping outside
We could sleep on the porch
And it would feel just like sleeping anywhere at all

Oh honey
Don't tell me it's over
Don't tell me the night is over

Please don't fall asleep just yet
'Cause I still need you
Yes I could use you sometimes too
Track Name: Endlessly Won't Last for Long
Tell me who it is that's looking out for you
Ain't nobody really ever there for you
Ain't it true? It's just me and you

I know that it ain't easy being you
But what the fuck else can you do?
Track Name: So Much for No Mountain
So much for no mountain
So much for no river, no valley

No matter how blue
The sky is just a sky
And no matter how dark
The night is just a night

It's still the night

Pretty girls they make graves
But knowing it won't make it change
And loving her won't make her stay

I remember every single summer
Each last loss
Me hurting you hurting me hurting you
There wasn't anything more I could do

Like dogs dreaming
We run away while sleeping

So much for no mountain
For no valley
For no river

I was only ever the same thing
You were the one been changing

Now when I hear those songs
I only think one thing
I only feel one thing
Track Name: Aloner
Go on and get mad
I can get real mad too
Ain't that the truth baby?

You know I love you
But sometimes I get so mad at you
Why do you do that?

We used to fuck in
The kitchen for nothing at all
We didn't need no reason

I don't expect you
To be the person you were
That ain't the way it works
Even if it makes me hurt

Do you remember
How long I tried?
I tried so hard to be
Someone that you would want to see

Is that me or ain't that me?
Ain't that me now?

We used to dance in the kitchen
She threw down like nobody's business
I used to make her laugh
And then I'd make her miss it

She told me that I'd never ever be alone
She taught me that I never have to feel alone

Said are you alone or a loner?
Am I alone or a loner?

I think I'm indoors for the outside

I talk like my friends they always fade away
But I know it was me that always made it that way

People they don't want to have that talk
I am just an afterthought

Most nights it feels like
My life is only looking for somebody it can mess with
And it's been chasing me around the block
Forever and ever and ever and ever

Are you alone or a loner?
Track Name: Can I Lean On You?
How many countries do I have to cross
Before the road it turns my bones to moss?
It isn't any wonder that she called it off

And when you look up at the sky at night
Tell me, do you wonder if you felt that right?

I must've asked myself a thousand times
Isn't there anything beyond the light?
Can you define what makes a future bright?
'Cause I've been chasing it for half my life

It's alright to hate me now
If it helps you figure your shit out

But can I lean on you for just a little while?
Just to feel something that isn't
Halfway out the door already

I want to see her move again
The way she used to back when we were only friends
She was always only smiling then

I was still broken, but getting better
She was something to put hope in since I met her

That's what I want
So get up
And come over here

I was out there on the road so long
That I forgot where I was coming from
Turns out "No Tomorrow" was a hopeless song

But I keep singing it despite my wrongs
Maybe you'll sing it for me when I'm gone

Were you hoping for some disbelief?
Or just impossible to please?

People don't say what they mean
I open up and watch them leave

So you can go on and hate me now
Tell yourself that I's the one who shut you out

Day in and night out
I'm trying not to turn the light out
Track Name: Suicide
Don't you want to leave this place?
Don't you want to split?
I've been on the run
When I find my one
The first thing I'll do is call

Ain't you tired of working hard?
Don't you want to sleep?
I've been on the run
When I find the one
The first thing I'll do is call

If you hear I gave it up
If you hear I'm gone
You made my life worth keeping 'round
Don't let it get you down

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